I said something fairly mean this evening at work...I said that one of the guys I work with looked like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from The Ghostbusters. I laughed for a bit until it really sank in what I was calling this guy. I've managed to, in one phrase, say that a man is mindless, worthless, pudgy and disgusting (cuz come on, who would really want to eat a marshmallow that's been walking around barefoot). I don't want to be known as a person who's always cynical and sarcastic and trying to make sure everyone else feels bad about themselves.

I never wanted to do to people what's seemingly been done to me my scholastic career through high school. I've been fighting a terrible attitude everytime I walk through that doors of on my way to work. Now, unfortunately, this extends to both jobs...the one at church and that one at Lowes. The Lowes job is easy to figure out: I don't want to be there because that's not where I feel like my life is headed. So I show up for what feels like mindless work where I end up working until close to 11 at night, not because I like work but because it seems like no one else does much in my department and I have to make up for the slack. I'm asked to do the job above me more often than not, yet I'm not given all the tools needed to do said job, I'm not compensated for it, and rarely is the time that I'm thanked.

On the other hand, you've got the job at church. Most of you are wondering how anyone could have a problem working at a church, but let me reassure you, there is nothing harder. Life feels like it's constantly under attack. I work an absurd amount of more hours than I'm paid for. It feels like people throw new tasks at me not because it's my job, but because they know I'll do it. I hate feeling used because it hurts and sometimes I feel so drained and tired that I don't have the faintest idea what to do. But through all the stuff that weighs me down, I know that God will pull through. I pray that I live by my love and that with every breathe I'm encouraging and reassuring someone. Forgive me for being so mean to someone that is made so beautiful. Heal Me. I love You Father.