California

Wow. It's been a super long time since I've used this crazy thing called "blogger". As I sit here watching the Legend of Zorro with the saucy Antonio Banderas, I'm reflecting on life since I wrote the last blog. Life has definitely changed, that's for sure. I'm now living in San Diego. I have broken up with the girl I thought that I was going to marry. I have began to fight the addictions that seem to snare me on a deeper, more spiritual level. I'm realizing more and more who God made me to be and how it relates to the world around me. I'm also realizing how easy it is to give in to spiritual attack, and how it only further proves that everything that is good and right in this world is not necessarily the easiest of things to do. For as hard as I wish to try, it seems like every time the chance arises, I'm giving in to the things that I know I shouldn't. Thankfully for the sake of myself and everyone on this planet, we have such a merciful God, who loves us more than we'll ever understand. I really just want to spend my life loving God. I so desire to be at the heart of our Father, and for all the times that I've messed up, He still loves me enough to make His presence undeniably known just to let me know that if all I desire is Him, it'll be ok. I love my Father so much and my heart feels peace knowing that He loves me more than I could ever imagine loving! Make my heart knew so that I may love you more and deeper than I knew I could live.

the world in which we live…

I know that it's been quite a while since i've written anything…but recently, despite having numerous things that i could write about, i've chosen to remain silent. today that has changed. today, 32, or at least last time i heard a number it was 32, students were shot and killed today at Virginia Tech. they say that even more were injured, but i've not heard of a number being released in relation to how many were wounded. what has our society come to? they say that they believe that the shooter was looking for his girlfriend and at roughly 7:15 this morning, the first shots were fired. my heart broke today when i heard about the shooting. who of us has the right to take another human's life? i guess my ultimate question would be what the young man who did the shooting was thinking as he went through with all this. what could have happened that he would have thought that the only way to deal with it would be to kill? and as i began to process all that had happened, the news said that the police were currently trying to contact the student's next of kin. i think that the word "kin" bothers me a little. i think that using kin instead of family in a way sort of removes us from having to think about how horrible it would be to hear that someone we love more than we love ourselves has just been unjustly taken. then i wondered if anyone had ever listened to the person who did the shooting…if he felt comfortable sharing the hard to share things with anyone. i wonder if he tried to call someone before he did concluded that what he did was the thing to do. in today's society, we stress the art of individuality and the science to seclusion more than we stress the difficulty of community. think of how dramatically different life would look if we all lived in community. think of how loved you would feel if you called someone that just wanted to listen when you just wanted to be heard. one idea can change the world, but only if the world listens.

i don't think i know anyone in virginia…and the people that read this blog i know are very few and far between. but just in case someone stumbles across this, i just want to let it be known: i'm hear to listen. my advice is usually very little if anything at all, but i would love to listen to your story, your hurts, your scars, your anything. my heart breaks for those without anyone to listen, and i'm here to tell you that i will listen to you.

Here we go…

So this is 2007…looks promising. I'm hoping for the best on this one. I have no idea what this year will bring, and everything at first glance looks not very fun. Big decisions are on the horizon…life-changing things that I don't know what to do with or about. I've started going to the gym again. I shouldn't have stopped. But that's a story for another day. What I really want to talk about today is a couple things that bother me.

Example: Ice on cars. Let me be more specific. Ice on cars that deem it necessary to go on the highway. At first glance, this is no big deal. But lets look just a hair closer, shall we? Let's say that it's a beautiful day. That the proverbial birds are chirping and that skies are clear. But recently, there had been a series of storms come through that had frozen over and left ice on cars. Now, let's just say that you're driving home from a good day at the gym and you're noticing the beauty in everything and waiting to hear the voice of your beautiful girlfriend of which you haven't heard in some time. Then, out of nowhere, you see something flying right at your head and SMACK, something's hit the windshield. Well, needless to say, you're a little shaken up as you begin looking in your mirrors to see what hit you and you're checking the windshield to make sure that you're not going to die driving 65mph trying to get home…and then you realize that ice from the car in front of you has slid off it's back end and clocked you nearly in the head...

I know what you're thinking. "Nahum, you're silly. Ice doesn't fall off while you're driving." But let me make a case for my arguement. When water reaches a temprature below 32℉, it freezes…pretty common knowledge. But I move that when water reaches temperatures above 32℉, it unfreezes. I say that when water begins to unfreeze, that the part of it that has unfrozen provides enough lubrication that the then thawing piece of ice can now fly off of your car whilest you are going down the road at 65mph.

I know that it's inconvenient, but please, knock the ice off of your car...save an accident.

I Make Ears Bleed…

I make ears bleed…or at least I try. Ten services is a lot to do. My patience was definitely tried. By the end of service #8, I was ready to just walk out…leave it all behind. Well, not exactly, but lets just say that it was a rough weekend for ole Nahum, here. Either way, We finish that 8th service, and an older gentlemen walks up to the booth that BJ and I are sitting in and approaches us by saying in a fairly angry voice: "Are you TRYING to make our ears bleed?!". This gentleman proceeded to verbally lash the audio aspect of that service while I'm already having a fairly difficult time just staying in the booth. After probly 5 minutes of this guys verbal lashing, I apologized and said that it was not my intent to try and make his ears bleed (although, I must say that there were many other words running through my head, but fortunately God was definitely giving me some much needed patience for the guy) and he walked away. All of that said, BJ is a great friend…and everyone should have the priviledge of knowing her. On a seperate note, I really miss Whitney (she's been in Cali since a week ago Sunday.). Only 6 days until I get to see her again. I'm currently on vacation. Call me if you want to talk…if I don't pick up, don't be dis-heartened, just know that I'm screening calls and might be in a less that opportune time to be able to talk. Have a great week!

N out.

reflecting on reflections

i'm in one of those moods where i would love to reflect, but don't have any clue as to what to reflect on. i'm coming to you from latte´ land (i kinda feel like i'm cheating). but, regardless of where it is that i broadcast from, this is where i feel like i should be. what other details in life should i be looking for? i have a feeling that my life is going to start to get a little turned up on it's head. i kind of think thats what God has been preparing me for…chaos. before this year, life was going smoothly without much question to any part of it. that was then, this is now. this year has been out there. i've hit financial troubles, relationship troubles, lice epidemics, chronic car problems, and so on an so forth. but i made it through all of it…as wierd as it is to think that, i made it through all of the trials. in spite of everything thats been thrown at me, i'm still here. i'm still kickin. and are you ready for the real shocker? as of late, i've been feeling much more joyful of my endeavors. i feel like i'm beginning to do things with passion and inspiration again. i want to not live life according to a bunch of motions that are in line with what "life should look like". i want and desire a life of passion and energy and inspiration of the divine nature. i want a life that has nothing but a divine breath of life with every word and action and note and beat and lyric. i want to be unmistakably filled with a life beyond life.

Oh you're everything I'm wanting
Come to think of it, I'm aching
On account of my transgression..
Will you welcome this confession?

I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to..
To take a hold of you

and i think thats what i'm least impressed with myself on. don't get me wrong, i don't mean to sound arrogant, but of all my character flaws, i think that the one i wish that i could change the most would be my inability to quiet myself and just listen. i think that life would go much smoother if i would just quiet myself and listen…to everything. what would life look like knowing where to go and what to say, not what i wanted for either, but what He wanted me to say. like i said, a life existence made entirely of divine exhalings. sends chills down my spine it would be so good. many chills.

The Lifeblood of Coffee

I'm tired. Super tired. I didn't sleep well last night. I kept having ideas and thoughts run through my head and I couldn't calm down or wear myself out. I shot up at about 1 or 1:30 in the morning (knowing that I had to be up at 6:30 this morning) and had a great idea for a parody video. I'm super stoked about the next 2 videos that we're gonna try and kick out. Brandon and I are going to get together at some point today and work some ideas out. I'm excited about 'em…should be pretty funny. Just so you know the history of Brandon and I's writing, we've essentially written 3 scripts and made one video. The video we made was super humorous if you like dry, sarcastic humour and know anything about who we were talking about. The second script had was possibly the funniest thing I've ever read, let alone written…and it was mysteriously deleted. The third one we did was pretty funny, but it was for the sole purpose of advertising something and we were given way too short of notice to actually produce the video in time for when it needed to be shown. So, that said, with these two upcoming scripts, hopefully we'll have time to actually do them. Now all we need is the proper software to get the job done (one of them will be experimenting with something I've never done before that I don't actually have the software to pull off yet). Anywho, that's what's going on in my world…let's see what's happening in your neck of the woods!

I just don't know

Every now and again I get scared. Not uneasy…hurts to breath, don't know where I'm at scared. Ever happen to you? I can't explain the feeling…but I assure you that it's not a pleasant one. Whit is still in San Diego. She gets back Thursday. I miss her so much. When I'm with her, it just feels right and good. My world is caving in because I don't know what to do. She's probly going to move back to San Diego…when you're with her there, you just get this feeling that she belongs. I love her and don't know what to do. I guess that I just need to humble myself and seek direction.